What I was

November 12, 2017 by Patrick Starks 


Part II

It had now been seven years since the sand of the battlefield streamed between gaps of my toes. And I was happy, but a part of me was still lost from that day. There were still things that I needed to know, to understand—what I was, and what I am now. I now wielded the power of Winter and Fall; sadly Spring as well, as it was revealed earlier on that his envy and greed would be the cause of his death; to think a child could do so much still baffles me today.

And even though I was no longer a crow, I still remained very close to the family I once soared the skies with. I told them everything that had happened on that day, and how Josie saved my life. We all would mourn and cry all the tears we could  into the very graveyard we stood, hoping that one day a flower would bloom from the ground, from our tears, in assurance that Josie was in peace, that Josie was okay. But, with every hardship faced in this life and the next, I had to move on, I had to understand that everything would be alright. After all, Josie was a part of me personality, part of the man I still question I was—deep down, Josie had never left my side, she was still with me in spirit.

After a few weeks went by, I would find myself within the next chapter of my life—in search for peace—what the world had to offer me, and what I had to offer it.  In the new form that I was, walking was still something I struggled with, no matter how long I would be doing it for.  The laughter of my stumbling on vacant sidewalks was enough for the ones chuckling to believe I was a homeless drunk, or just plain stupid. Although, I guess my fashion sense was reasonable enough to make one believe that I was more homeless than anything; but need I mind, I use to be a crow for crying out loud—most would feel naked if they ever flew in my wings.

I wasn’t fond of the human form that I was in, I simply did not like the species—always taking away their trash because we crows wanted to eat. I mean… it’s obvious you’re not going to eat it, so why give a dam. There were days I wished I could just fly again, to feel the wind brush against my face in meditation of flight, but unfortunately, the form I was in was to be a permanent one—another answer I sought to find.

It was Summer time, and the whole day as I’m sure any would assume, was sunny, but not as bright as one would think it to be. I had never met Summer before, or seen what they looked like—I figured they had come to pass like the rest, but if so, I always wondered who would wield its power now. The nights now became non-existent, as the days of dawn would becoming longer. For the entire day the sun would continue to beam down, burning into the pigments of my skin. And everyone around me was getting the tan of their lives. But I on the other hand, had already had enough of a tan I felt; although, at one point I was a crow. At least my human form would resemble something of my past that I cherished, I grinned—I was proud of my blackness, my black beauty.

The heat was beginning to rise, and I was beginning to sweat my ass off, another reason why I missed being a crow so much—we didn’t sweat, we didn’t smell. I had to find a pit stop fast, so I entered the nearest coffee shop I could find, and it wasn’t really hard to find—Starbucks of all places; I don’t know how much money I had invested into the shop, but I know it was most likely to be more than my tax money shamefully. I sat at the coffee bar with my usual iced venti latte. It made the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Drinking three to four in one day was enough for me to be awarded the Oscar for the best played addict, coffee druggy. Or maybe if I drank four trenta’s in one day I would get an Olympic medal, but I doubt I would be alive to accept such, I giggled.

Over time, I would finish my last cup, heading towards the exit of the coffee shop, and back into the microwave. And on my way out I slammed into a woman. Surprisingly, she wasn’t pissed—she smiled sarcastically, and I non-sarcastically smiled back. The woman would now have iced latte all over her arms and shoulders, almost hitting her center—an area I felt highly offensive and perverted to look at for too long. A woman like this one was nothing a man, or even a crow had drooled over, if so, they would of probably drooled their way to dehydration by her ravishing features—this woman was amazing, she was divergent.

Unlike the other woman I would meet throughout my years of being human, something about her spoke adventure. The same kind of adventure I had been searching for my whole life, but surely she couldn’t have been the fraction of it all, there had to be more, I thought. She reminded me a lot of Josie, but I knew for a fact that it wasn’t her; there was no need for the emotional headache, no need to breakdown again.

“We’ll… are you going to get me a napkin or something, or are you just going to stand there all day staring at a section that the coffee isn’t,” the woman grumbled. I felt like a complete fool, she totally caught me looking at her breast; although can she really blame me, I mean Jesus! They were out there, if only female crows had the same.

“Y-Y-Yes, I’m sorry. I feel like such a dick. Here let me buy you a coffee as well.”

The woman said nothing after that. She followed me back to the bar, she was just happy to be dry I could see.

“That was refreshing,” the woman snorted. I thought it was adorable, with such beauty came the laughter of a pig. Just who was this woman, I thought, but I guess it didn’t matter for that I hardly knew who I was, or what I was. But I guess the moral to the story is that no one is perfect—no human, nor crow. Although, I still felt the humans had yet to define what that really meant. Depending on the person, I learned that the meaning behind perfection, could and would always be connected to everything; in a way one thing that was for certain, the life I lived was perfect, regardless of what I or anyone else thought about it.


“What are you thinking about?” The woman questioned.


“What of it?”

“It’s so perfect, yet I can’t seem to see myself in that same image. I mean look at you, all because of me you’re a mess. That isn’t perfection, that’s just plain stupidity.”

“Really… Is it not perfect timing that your stupidity, brought us two here together.”

I was at a loss for words, I was falling in ways I hadn’t since I last was with Josie, but still, there were many things I did not understand. If there was anyway of me finding it I knew that this woman was the key to it all, through her another chapter in my life would begin.

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