Becoming Human

November 26, 2017 by Patrick Starks

BECOMING HUMAN

 When I met god for the first time it was unlike anything one would imagine, he wasn’t really tall, nor short; he wasn’t dark nor light, you couldn’t really tell, he wasn’t anything in particular, he was… everythingؙ—the wind, the rain, the trees, the sand even, you name it, and he would be at least one, if not them all. Most had assumed that god was in fact a he, but not even we as gods soldiers knew what god truly was, let alone his gender, if he even had one.  God was god, it didn’t really matter what he was to us, although, hearing gentle voices through the wind was enough for any of us to fear what he or she could be if pissed off in any way—it sparked not only mine, but everyone else’s curiosity to discover the mystery of mysteries.

  Unlike the ones below, we in the clouds would spend most of our days hunting down the answer of what was; we read some of the oldest literatures man or woman has yet to discover—hoping that are answers or prayers would shine there, but I found at an early age that not every book had the answer, at least not the one’s we sought. I was never sold on the assumption that God was a male. The ones below the clouds we stood would have so many different stories of what god was, it was hard for anyone to believe what was truly fact about he or she—the stories to me were no different than the books I would collect—great, clever, close to reality, yet not reality at the slightest, hence that they were all fiction.   

As the years went on, myself and the others eventually stopped saying the word god in general, we all felt the saying depicted that God was a male, in which most of us still had no clue to was a reality, or a false one, although, the ones below would swear on their mother’s grave that he was in fact that. So, I decided to make a decision for us all, to give God a name that depicted what we didn’t know about he or she. “Nonamay,” short for (no name)—this was now the name. And Nonamay shockingly wasn’t offended at all, but thankful that we all ridded them of a name that had no meaning to them at all—not even they, found the word God appropriate.

“W-w-w-wait. Why don’t we just ask them what their name is.” A soldier concerned. “I mean, have any of you even bothered to ask…”  No one said a word, they just all gawked and stared at the man as if he were mad.

“Well fine then, I’ll ask him myself, cowards!”

The soldier distanced himself from the rest of us. He stood in nothing but an empty space of fog and rain, yelling at the top of his lungs to the god we all followed so confidently. And overtime the soldier gave up walking his way back in shame, as the others snorted in laughter like the boars they were known to be.  I was furious and angry for the man, we all needed answers, and yet Nonamay still played with our minds.

Looking back at all, I couldn’t even see why the people below believed in Nonamay so much, or even bother to believe that they existed—Nonamay still to this day hasn’t presented himself, not even a voice, yet they still believed.  And here it was I, Nonamay’s soldier, even doubtful of why I followed them in the first place. In some way, I guess I admired Nonamay more than anything. To me Nonamay was strong, patient, understanding, yet discrete about their life—never giving a soul a reason to judge for that Nonamay was the judge, at least that’s how we all felt about them. And out of all that we as Nonamay’s soldiers had given, and what the ones below never gave, I could never understand Nonamay’s love for them—that being the humans.

I always thought the humans to be weak, jealous, selfish, and violent creatures.  It hurt to think of the thought that Nonamay would put any of them before us. Nonamay would always find a way to back them up, no matter how many facts I had against them—facts that left no reason to keep them, alive that is.  Nonamay’s reason was that they were learning from their failures, that the violence had dumbed down a lot since the wars they fought in the 1900s; that no matter the struggle, they were adaptable creatures, and to him that was touching—to Nonamay the humans were his greatest piece of art work, and that meant everything to them.

My rebuttal to his plea was that even though violence had faded, sadly their connection with each other had done the same. The humans had now let all their happiness be distilled into now a tiny device—glass and plastic, and within it all came their greed, their envy, their hate, their loneliness, their insecurities, all in which none ever seem to want to face. With all these things of distraction at their fingertips, I, we all pleaded to Nonamay that it had to be the works of Skydra, that he had to be the influence—surprisingly, Nonamay found him innocent as well, just like the humans.

Me and Nonamay would continue to have lots of debates about the subject, some that notably became heated enough to the point we’d both be drenched with sweat by the end of the day. By I was his general, it was my responsibility to put forward the best interest towards our kingdom, Nonamay’s kingdom. Nonamay of course became irritated with me more than anyone could bare. Nonamay feared I’d become just like Skydra, one he adored once more than the humans ironically, but now that Skydra was below us all, further below the humans as sadly, and I took take seat as his absent chair. 

Before I even had the chance to explain my case to Nonamay, to apologize for my rude actions—negotiating that I would try to understand, the whole room went black. I became lost now trapped within my own karma.

“Here I am baby, here’s mommy, and look that’s daddy over there… He’ll wake up soon, he just past out…” said an anonymous woman.

Within a few minutes everything became bright again. It was cold, I could barely see a thing, everything was blurry. There was an odd number of people that surrounded me. But the one I noticed the most was a woman. I had never met a human before in my life, but there was something about this woman that felt right, and comforting.  She held me close to her chest, as she delivered me kisses of affection. At first, I felt awful, I really hated humans, but still, something about this woman felt extremely pleasant.

As traumatized I became from what just happened. I couldn’t help but noticed that the woman had a heavenly smell to her as well—a remembrance of the home Nonamay had cast me from. Before I could get comfortable with woman, I immediately was pulled from her arms by a strange man in turquoise.

“Alright mam. Get some rest, you will be with your child again soon enough.” Said a strange man. The man was frightening, I couldn’t tell if he was really human or something else. He had no mouth, no hair. All I that I could see was his beady little eyes as they pierced through the glass that surrounded it.

As much as I tried to shake away from him, he confined me tighter into a warm furry substance that made me calm again, and it somewhat reminded me of the wings I use to have. He then took me down a pathway in which felt like a lifetime to go through, although, I was half a sleep, so it didn’t really matter. We entered a room to the right, and as we entered it the sound of cries would wake me out of my subtle nap. I found myself now surrounded by little tiny humans, it was amazing, and horrifying at the same time. With all the screaming and hollering I wasn’t sure if I would ever get the chance to sleep again or escape from that place, but I did, we all did surprisingly.

The next day when I awakened my story would begin, in ways I never thought would happen—my test from Nonamay—my path on becoming human.

 

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